Totally missed this story of a teenage boy adopted from China several years ago who was recently reunited with his birth family through the searching and assistance of his adoptive mom.
Would have thought I’d hear of this on my various and assorted Chinese adoption listservs, which would have guaranteed an interesting conversation about whether or not, in a similar situation, we could do the same thing.
Instead, I learned of it on a local mom’s social networky thing when someone posed the same question. I’m reposting my answer to that below:
“Absolutely — if it is what she wanted (and I say this as mom of a daughter adopted from China). Though the reality is that many people adopt internationally because it is seen as less likely for the discomfort and “messiness” that people think can come with birth families, I fully believe that my job in all this is to help my daughter understand (to the extent that we know anything) and to help her with whatever she needs to be OK with who she is and how she joined our family.
If she wants to look — we’ll look. If we find her birth family and she wants to meet them — I’ll help her do it.
Will it be awkward for me and maybe bring up all sorts of uncomfortable things? Maybe — but that’s too bad. I’ll need to deal with them and not let them get in the way. Because as much as we are a family (and as much as I do not believe in the automatic or “superior” connection via biological reproduction, when it comes to my daughter and what she needs, my responsibility is to be here and support her and help her however I can. That’s what moms do!”